a little nonsense

Not going to be talking about these guys...



or this crazy group of folks...




But I will be talking about this...



I have a small part time job at the local YMCA leading a children's exercise class.  Within recent weeks there have been 3 incidents at work that have made me ponder the aforementioned subject - whether or not confronting conflict is, in my case, a strength or weakness?

Experience #1:

I chose to kick a child out of my class due to inappropriate behavior.  His attitude towards me and the other kids is an ongoing issue, however this was the first time I have made him leave class.  Afterwards, his mother approached me and was visibly upset at my decision and thought it was unfair.  I explained in detail some of her child's actions and stood my ground that I was justified in asking him to leave.  I was surprised to find that she was unbelieving of my report of her child's behavior and consequently chased after some of the other parent's and their children to try to validate her child's claim that he was unfairly punished.  Returning to me after several "interviews" with the other parents, it was evident that she wanted me to acknowledge that I was in the wrong.  Again, I stood my ground and reiterated the details of why I had acted as I had.  Neither of us were budging and so we agreed that it was an unfortunate incident, exchanged half hearted smiles, and said "see you later."

Experience #2:

A father and his son came into the gym at the beginning of my class and started shooting a basketball around.  I approached the middle-aged dad and let him know that a class was being held in the gym for the next hour and that if his son wanted to join the activities he was welcome, otherwise, they would need to come back when the class was finished.  He was angry and shot off some belligerent words to me as he left.  I reaffirmed that our class was open to all, however, it was limited to the designated activity as the rest of the class.

Before I move on to the third experience, it is relevant to know why I do not allow non-participants in the gym during my class.

Being the YMCA, there are a wide range of people who frequent the facility and seek to use the gym.  Some groups that compete for the gym during my class time are less disruptive than others.  I thought it would be unfair if I asked some to leave and on the other hand allowed some to stay.  Early on I decided that to create fairness I had to be consistent.

Experience #3:

Yes, another father and son entered the gym wanting to play basketball.  Enforcing the rule, I again approached this father to let him know they would need to return after the class ended.  But as always, let him know that my class is open to anyone who wants to participate.  Like the father before, this dad too was angry.  After several conversations, he conceded to wait until class was over and apologized for his rudeness.  Despite the apology, both of us had been made to feel uncomfortable.


Each of these exchanges notably affected me.  I was unsettled for hours after each occurrence and pondered whether or not I had acted correctly.  It was obvious that each experience had left all individuals involved visibly uncomfortable if not also annoyed.

In my own defense, I felt justified to confront conflict in able to uphold a certain principle.  I was not afraid to approach.  I was not afraid to act.  I was not afraid to stand by my decision even in the face of resistance.

I've worked in hotel industry for many years now and in it quickly learned that to be successful, I a young 20-something female had to confront and resolve conflict with savvy business travelers, seasoned grumpy men, and high-maintenance overly entitled women.  As far as guest relations, I would say I was pretty dang good at what I did.  I became confident in my ability to diffuse most any situation and therefore lost any fear of the process.  No problem can be resolved if it isn't confronted.  Confrontation can lead to progress.  However, that was in the hotel industry.  Does the same hold true for a recreational facility where everyone just wants to work out?  Do I need to cool my jets about upholding principles?!

As far as that hour is concerned with the disrespectful and often malicious little punk - heck yes he is going to behave or be kicked out.  I don't get paid to endure ridiculousness and the other kids don't come to be bullied.  I could have been more diplomatic with his mom.  However, confronting conflict in an environment such as the Y is a newer scene for me.  I am still a novice and inexperienced this I know and admit.

Regardless, I need to weigh the value of confronting conflict in each of the unique environments I find myself and only then decide how to proceed.